![]() This summer I will be traveling to 3 different countries where being gay/ "homosexual acts" are illegal. This will be my first time traveling to countries like this as an out Queer and non binary person. I am a little nervous even though I plan on going "back in the closet" and not being out during my time there. For the past few weeks I have been preparing myself for this. I know it will be difficult. After all the work I have put in trying to be true to myself I don't like the fact that I am going to have to, once again, hide a part of who I am. But it is needed for my own safety. So instead I am trying to focus on the reasons I want to go to Uganda. Which are to help people, fully immerse myself in a different culture and to gain more volunteering abroad experience. To prepare, I started telling myself, "okay, you just can't let people know that you're attracted to women." Which I don't think will be too difficult to do on this trip. I did that most my life and dating is not allowed during the program anyways, since it could distract the volunteers, so I know that won't be an issue. But recently, I found out that I will need to wear a skirt for the majority of my time in Uganda, this came as a shock to me. It made what I am doing feel more real to me. Like one of my trip coordinators said, "non binary is not a thing in Uganda." In order for me to be safe, as well as respect the culture in Uganda I need to be a woman. That includes dressing how Ugandan women dress and following the women's customs. For me, this is more difficult then not being open about who I am attracted to. I didn't handle that news well at first and started experiencing a lot of panic and anxiety. "They're making me dress like a girl" is the first thought that came to mind. Since coming out as non binary this past March I feel I have tried to distance myself from my femininity. Being more masculine has made me feel happier and has allowed me to get to know myself better. Since finding out that I need to wear a skirt, I have had more time to think things through. I have started planning what I can do to make this more comfortable for me. I have came up with ideas that include wearing less feminine skirts with solid colors, wearing my boxers underneath and dressing in my personal style when I am in the volunteer house. I have also started to think that this may be helpful in a way because this gives me a reason to embrace and explore my femininity. As much as I have tried to bury it, it is a part of me and now that I know more about myself I can give myself the opportunity to explore my femininity in the new me, even if that does make me uncomfortable. I also had the chance to discuss it with my therapist, she told me that if I begin to really struggle with wearing skirts while in Uganda I can think of it as a costume and pretend that I am in a play. I want to try to stay in touch with reality as much as possible but at the moment I like this idea of being in a play, I have always loved acting. So this summer, at times, I may be acting. I might be in a play, I'll be playing the role of a straight woman when I am in fact a queer enby. But my play will end. In August I will be returning home and will, once again, be able to express myself the way I want and talk openly about the people I like. Some people don't have this right. I mentioned earlier that I'm going to 3 countries where homosexual acts are illegal. That's three out of the 70+ countries where people can be fined, imprisoned, or even killed for being with who they love. My heart aches for the LGBTQI+ individuals in these countries. Their play can last a lifetime. That is a lifetime of pretending to be someone they're not. All LGBTQI+ people deserve to live peacefully in their country. But until that happens I want to help protect the ones that aren't able to. I'm not sure how to yet. I won't be taking any action on this trip. This type of work is difficult and dangerous. In October 2019 a group of LGBTQ rights activists were arrested in Uganda and that is just one example of what could happen when advocating for LGBTQI+ rights in countries where homosexuality's illegal. But I will be using some of my time in Uganda to think of ways I can help in the future. I am so excited for this experience! I can't wait for the skills and knowledge that I will gain.
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AuthorMy name is Care H. I love traveling and I love writing. I have decided to start blogging about my incredible travel experiences more often. I sometimes also post about other things that are not travel related but travel is the main theme. Three things that I love to write about are travel, LGBTQI+ topics and helping others, including humanitarian and volunteer abroad experiences. I have also posted about things I've experienced while working as a CNA, mental health issues and life accomplishments.
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