Thanks to my travels I am blessed to have friends all around the globe. Yesterday, one of my friends in Egypt reached out to me. For context he is an adult male in his lower thirties that I met in Egypt in 2017 and have kept in touch with ever since. He told me that he had read my post (the one posted on June 1st) and asked permission to ask me some questions about it.
I have included photos from the beginning of our conversation but blocked out some personal information.
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This summer I will be traveling to 3 different countries where being gay/ "homosexual acts" are illegal. This will be my first time traveling to countries like this as an out Queer and non binary person. I am a little nervous even though I plan on going "back in the closet" and not being out during my time there. For the past few weeks I have been preparing myself for this. I know it will be difficult. After all the work I have put in trying to be true to myself I don't like the fact that I am going to have to, once again, hide a part of who I am. But it is needed for my own safety. So instead I am trying to focus on the reasons I want to go to Uganda. Which are to help people, fully immerse myself in a different culture and to gain more volunteering abroad experience. To prepare, I started telling myself, "okay, you just can't let people know that you're attracted to women." Which I don't think will be too difficult to do on this trip. I did that most my life and dating is not allowed during the program anyways, since it could distract the volunteers, so I know that won't be an issue. But recently, I found out that I will need to wear a skirt for the majority of my time in Uganda, this came as a shock to me. It made what I am doing feel more real to me. Like one of my trip coordinators said, "non binary is not a thing in Uganda." In order for me to be safe, as well as respect the culture in Uganda I need to be a woman. That includes dressing how Ugandan women dress and following the women's customs. For me, this is more difficult then not being open about who I am attracted to. I didn't handle that news well at first and started experiencing a lot of panic and anxiety. "They're making me dress like a girl" is the first thought that came to mind. Since coming out as non binary this past March I feel I have tried to distance myself from my femininity. Being more masculine has made me feel happier and has allowed me to get to know myself better. Since finding out that I need to wear a skirt, I have had more time to think things through. I have started planning what I can do to make this more comfortable for me. I have came up with ideas that include wearing less feminine skirts with solid colors, wearing my boxers underneath and dressing in my personal style when I am in the volunteer house. I have also started to think that this may be helpful in a way because this gives me a reason to embrace and explore my femininity. As much as I have tried to bury it, it is a part of me and now that I know more about myself I can give myself the opportunity to explore my femininity in the new me, even if that does make me uncomfortable. I also had the chance to discuss it with my therapist, she told me that if I begin to really struggle with wearing skirts while in Uganda I can think of it as a costume and pretend that I am in a play. I want to try to stay in touch with reality as much as possible but at the moment I like this idea of being in a play, I have always loved acting. So this summer, at times, I may be acting. I might be in a play, I'll be playing the role of a straight woman when I am in fact a queer enby. But my play will end. In August I will be returning home and will, once again, be able to express myself the way I want and talk openly about the people I like. Some people don't have this right. I mentioned earlier that I'm going to 3 countries where homosexual acts are illegal. That's three out of the 70+ countries where people can be fined, imprisoned, or even killed for being with who they love. My heart aches for the LGBTQI+ individuals in these countries. Their play can last a lifetime. That is a lifetime of pretending to be someone they're not. All LGBTQI+ people deserve to live peacefully in their country. But until that happens I want to help protect the ones that aren't able to. I'm not sure how to yet. I won't be taking any action on this trip. This type of work is difficult and dangerous. In October 2019 a group of LGBTQ rights activists were arrested in Uganda and that is just one example of what could happen when advocating for LGBTQI+ rights in countries where homosexuality's illegal. But I will be using some of my time in Uganda to think of ways I can help in the future. I am so excited for this experience! I can't wait for the skills and knowledge that I will gain. Hi everyone, I decided it's time to let everyone know that I am non-binary. More specifically, Trans non-binary. That means that my body doesn't always feel fully congruent with my birth sex. I got diagnosed with gender dysphoria a few months ago but it's a issue that I now realize I've had for years. My gender, like my sexuality is something I am still questioning and trying to fully understand, but I am a firm believer that sexuality and gender are a spectrum. The labels I like to use to describe myself are Queer and Gender-Queer. The pronouns (they/them) bring me the most joy but I normally don't mind (he/him) or (she/her). Also, for the past few months I have been going by Care and it has made me really happy, I'd like everyone to start calling me Care. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask but I may or may not answer since I'm still in the process of figuring things out. I'm keeping my transition private at this time but I'm happy to share any knowledge I have about the gender spectrum in general. Thanks for reading! Hi everyone, I have decided its time to officially come out on Instagram. My closest friends and family have known that I am Queer for a while. I first started telling people about 15 months ago but I have known much longer then that. It's not a big deal to me but to some it is. Now that I'm out I'm still me, just a much happier version of myself.
And yes, Queer is the term I now use to identify myself. In the past I have used many different terms in an attempt to figure out and explain my sexuality but I have found that I am happy with Queer. In the future I might feel comfortable telling people what Queer means for me but I've worked hard to find a label I feel comfortable using and I am proud to call myself Queer. I hope that everyone is accepting of this. People can't choose who they're attracted to/fall in love with and love is a terrible thing to hate. If you ever need someone to talk to please message me! I'm here for you.🌈❤ #nationalcomingoutday #loveislove #Queer |
AuthorMy name is Care H. I love traveling and I love writing. I have decided to start blogging about my incredible travel experiences more often. I sometimes also post about other things that are not travel related but travel is the main theme. Three things that I love to write about are travel, LGBTQI+ topics and helping others, including humanitarian and volunteer abroad experiences. I have also posted about things I've experienced while working as a CNA, mental health issues and life accomplishments.
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